Ouch!
This morning I finished reading the 3rd chapter of A.W. Tozer's book, The Pursuit of God. It has a really tough message, put in a not so gentle way. Thus, my title.
Lately God's been revealing to me that I need to "practice His presence" more. Why? Well I'm in the middle of reading a book entitled Practicing His Presence. I think that has something to do with it. But seriously, that book has been hugely challenging to me. And then I go and read chapter three of The Pursuit of God. Haha! I guess God knows that I don't catch hints very easily. When He tries to teach me something He makes sure I have all the material necessary to learn my lesson. (For convenience sake I'm going to shorten the book titles to PHP and PoG from here on out.)
In reading PHP I was challenged to think about God a second of every minute . . . I knew I wouldn't succeed of course (at least at first), but I wanted to try to do it as much as possible. The first day it went fairly well, and I loved the changes I saw it making in my attitude, thoughts, actions, words, etc. However, it sort of went down hill from there. It takes a lot of effort, especially when you're out and about doing other things!
This morning when I was reading PoG, I was challenged in a new way (on top of the other challenge). You see in this chapter, Tozer talks about the fact that Christians today need to live more in the presence of God, in deeper intimacy with Him--I totally agreed, and wanted that in my life! After all, that is what God was in the middle of teaching me. :) But then he got to his next point. I totally did not see this coming . . . granted, I should have, but I didn't.
He said, "Self is the opaque veil that hides the face of God from us." He said a few other things too, not quite as poetically, but right on target just the same. That was convicting, because it's so true. The reason that I don't seek God more and have such a hard time practicing His presence in my life is because I'm so focused on me. I don't want to go through hardship and suffering. I say I love Jesus, and I do. But I wonder if sometimes He looks at me and shakes His head, saying gently "Allison, my child, if you would just give me your whole heart, then you would see what I could really do through you." My selfish nature doesn't want to go through suffering, yet my heart cries out for the intimacy with my Savior that I know it brings. I'm torn in two directions. One part of me wants to die to self completely, and yet another part of me says, "but wait, wouldn't that hurt?"
I've determined that I cannot do this alone. By no power of will can I make myself turn away from being self centered and become completely God centered. I also know that I can't root out one thing and then just expect it to stay out if something else isn't put in it's place. So this is what I've determined to do. I've admitted to God my struggles in this area, and told Him I can't do it, but I know He can. I've asked Him to take over me completely, to rip the veil of self that I hold in my heart into shreds, and while He's doing that I plan to do my best to focus on Him in everything. It'll take effort, but that shouldn't matter if I'm not focusing on myself. God wants a deeper intimacy with each and every one of us . . . I guess the question is, do we want it enough to take the necessary steps to grow in that area?
I'll close with this verse, Philippians 4:13~ "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." On my own I am nothing, in Him I have everything. Do I trust that enough to claim this promise as true in my life? Not all the time, but hopefully more of the time today than yesterday! Life is a process, a journey, and a choice, day by day, moment by moment I have to choose to want Christ, His will, and His glory more than anything else. That's the life that's worth living.
Lately God's been revealing to me that I need to "practice His presence" more. Why? Well I'm in the middle of reading a book entitled Practicing His Presence. I think that has something to do with it. But seriously, that book has been hugely challenging to me. And then I go and read chapter three of The Pursuit of God. Haha! I guess God knows that I don't catch hints very easily. When He tries to teach me something He makes sure I have all the material necessary to learn my lesson. (For convenience sake I'm going to shorten the book titles to PHP and PoG from here on out.)
In reading PHP I was challenged to think about God a second of every minute . . . I knew I wouldn't succeed of course (at least at first), but I wanted to try to do it as much as possible. The first day it went fairly well, and I loved the changes I saw it making in my attitude, thoughts, actions, words, etc. However, it sort of went down hill from there. It takes a lot of effort, especially when you're out and about doing other things!
This morning when I was reading PoG, I was challenged in a new way (on top of the other challenge). You see in this chapter, Tozer talks about the fact that Christians today need to live more in the presence of God, in deeper intimacy with Him--I totally agreed, and wanted that in my life! After all, that is what God was in the middle of teaching me. :) But then he got to his next point. I totally did not see this coming . . . granted, I should have, but I didn't.
He said, "Self is the opaque veil that hides the face of God from us." He said a few other things too, not quite as poetically, but right on target just the same. That was convicting, because it's so true. The reason that I don't seek God more and have such a hard time practicing His presence in my life is because I'm so focused on me. I don't want to go through hardship and suffering. I say I love Jesus, and I do. But I wonder if sometimes He looks at me and shakes His head, saying gently "Allison, my child, if you would just give me your whole heart, then you would see what I could really do through you." My selfish nature doesn't want to go through suffering, yet my heart cries out for the intimacy with my Savior that I know it brings. I'm torn in two directions. One part of me wants to die to self completely, and yet another part of me says, "but wait, wouldn't that hurt?"
I've determined that I cannot do this alone. By no power of will can I make myself turn away from being self centered and become completely God centered. I also know that I can't root out one thing and then just expect it to stay out if something else isn't put in it's place. So this is what I've determined to do. I've admitted to God my struggles in this area, and told Him I can't do it, but I know He can. I've asked Him to take over me completely, to rip the veil of self that I hold in my heart into shreds, and while He's doing that I plan to do my best to focus on Him in everything. It'll take effort, but that shouldn't matter if I'm not focusing on myself. God wants a deeper intimacy with each and every one of us . . . I guess the question is, do we want it enough to take the necessary steps to grow in that area?
I'll close with this verse, Philippians 4:13~ "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." On my own I am nothing, in Him I have everything. Do I trust that enough to claim this promise as true in my life? Not all the time, but hopefully more of the time today than yesterday! Life is a process, a journey, and a choice, day by day, moment by moment I have to choose to want Christ, His will, and His glory more than anything else. That's the life that's worth living.
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